The iSanitaryPad

Good morrow followers.

Each and every year, the Apple corporation announces a new device that promises to blow all of the competition away... and by competition, they mean Fisher Price. These devices end up being extremely innovative and revolutionizing, although Apple usually signs exclusive deals with various companies to sell these products to their customers - for example, the iPhone, with AT&T. Mind you, AT&T has a total of eight customers, seven of which don't own phones, internet, or any other product offered by the company.

Bullet points aside, Apple this week announced the "iPad," their answer to the new "tablet" craze. The iPad is nothing more than an oversized iPod Touch, akin to the huge-ass remotes you see at the dollar store that are intended for the elderly.

Below is a picture of the iPad...

... and here are the Columbine shooters after they committed suicide.

Needless to say, Apple and the iPad can go fuck each other.

This is Morgan.

A Rant to Stand the Tests of Time

Good evening mortals.

I would like you scoundrels to meet my cousin, Von.

Von is quite the character. You might be saying to yourself, "Morgan, why are you related to whatever the hell that creature is?" Well, I'm saying to myself, "Morgan, why am I writing a blog for a bunch of thumb-sucking anus-licking handicapped scrotum-ticklers?"

Von was cited for disorderly conduct on Christmas Eve in front of an AM/PM. Evidently, in this world of human rule, where democracy has dumbed itself down to nothing more than a retarded baby with an extra pinky finger for a penis, loitering is just as bad a severing the head of a nine year old girl and then fornicating with her neck socket. Von was arrested on charges of loitering, narcotics dealing, and also matched the description of a black man accused of murdering 17 white women.

What floors me is, when these assmunching cops finally realized the mistake they made AFTER FOURTEEN GODDAMNED HOURS OF INTERROGATION, Von was handed over to animal control and was further considered for inhumane euthanasia... and by that, I can only assume that means a fat truck driving widower will run my cousin over with his Mack 43-wheeler.

While I personally can't save my dear cousin Von - I'm a fucking cat, for Christ's sake - I implore all of you; next time you see a Jewish creature such as Von, pictured above, give them a swift kick in the family jewels for me, in memory of that bastard cousin of mine - he still owes me $40.

This is Morgan.